Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Decline and Fall of Algore

Poor Al Gore. Always a bridesmaid, and never a bride.

After serving for eight years in the shadow of William Jefferson Clinton, (and, of course, having to check for stray bodily fluids, prior to sitting down with the 42nd President inside the "Oval Orifice"), when it came time for his shot at top billing back in 2000, Albert Arnold "Al" Gore Jr. was ultimately unable to seal the deal with the voters.

And so he joined a rather short, ignominious list of former Vice-Presidential, Presidential also-rans who were unable to move up to the top spot:

Henry Wallace (FDR's VP, lost the 1948 general election); Hubert Humphrey (LBJ's VP, lost the 1968 general election): Walter Mondale (Jimmuh Carter's VP, lost the 1984 general election).

For those other, former vice-presidents, as for Al Gore, the knowledge that MOST former VPs who try for the top slot eventually achieve it must have been an especially bitter pill to swallow.

And let's face it, being the Vice-President is not exactly a glamour gig.

The Flying Curmudgeon's memory escapes him, but didn't someone once say that the only thing the vice-presidency was good for was attending state funerals?

As for the current holder of that august position, Vice President Joseph "That's Just Joe" Biden, thanks to some former staffers of the former commanding general for Afghanistan, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, he will forever be known by his new moniker: Vice President "Bite Me."

All of the "Civilian-Control-Over-the-Military" issues aside, in the immortal words of Larry the Cable Guy: "That's funny, right there. I don't care who you are."

Getting back to Algore - one can't help but wonder what would have happened had Dan Blather NOT called Florida early on election night 2000?

As much of the pan-handle of Florida is in the Central Time Zone, at the time of the 2000 election, some political pundits noted that there was a distinct possibility that many of those western Florida voters (read: disproportionately military, and likely REPUBLICAN voters) may have decided NOT to go to the polls, following the esteemed FORMER CBS anchor's calling Florida for Gore.

Imagine that. Coincidence? To coin a phrase, "The Flying Curmudgeon reports - YOU decide."

Also, one has to wonder just how many absentee ballots, (again, read as: deployed military overseas, likely REPUBLICAN votes) were disqualified by the army of democrat lawyers who descended on the state, within hours of Al Gore's challenging the vote count.

Sadly, The Flying Curmudgeon submits had these two things NOT occurred, the likely outcome of the Florida recount wouldn't have even been close. However, just like the mystery surrounding just who WAS behind JFK's assassination, as long as there is a Left and a Right in this country, the controversy surrounding Bush-Gore 2000 will continue into perpetuity.

But contrary to what most Bush haters would have us believe - and still refuse to admit - under every recount, even those commissioned by the likes of The New York Times and The Washington Post, Bush won. The irony is, before the 2000 election the mantra coming from Al Gore's camp was, "Well, George Bush might win the popular vote, but it's the Electoral College that counts."

As history was to show, after the Post-Election Recount, Hanging-Chad Debacle, the mantra quickly became: "Gore got more votes." Unfortunately for Al and the Left in this country, the Supreme Court saw it differently.

They've hated George W. Bush ever since.

In the intervening years, however, Algore has managed to enrich himself to the tune of nearly a billion dollars, by jumping on, and to a large extent, driving the Global Warming bandwagon.

One can purchase a lot of ego-stroking for nearly a billion dollars. But even with all his millions, he still can't seem to close "The Deal."

And now that he and Tipper have decided to go their separate ways - could what is in the link below have had anything to do with it? - with this "alleged," clumsy attempt at receiving some "TLC" during a private massage session hitting the news, perhaps Algore's former boss might be willing to give him some tips on how HE manages to have HIS (ahem) "ego" stroked.

"It's really simple, Al. All ya got to do is, depending on what the definition of IS, is. Ha! Ha! I made a joke, Al. Get it? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, it's real simple, Al, when the girl starts to move her..." (Clinton stops, and starts to look around.) "Hey Al, you didn't happen to see a cigar lying around here anywhere, did you, Pal? Oh, here it is, lying next to the check I got for my last speaking gig. Boy, you should have seen the jugs on the gal who picked me up at the airport. Now where was I? Ha! Ha!"

You can almost see the look on Al's face, can't you?

(Sigh) That damn Bill Clinton. Some guys have all the luck.


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